Two games…two losses. One was a shut out. Talk about frustrating. The boys were frustrated, the coaches were frustrated and the parents were too. Not because they didn’t win. Although we really like winning, this isn’t a win-at-all-costs team. It was knowing that skill-wise, they were probably just as good as the other team. But they aren’t clicking as a team right now, and as soon as they feel pressured, they start folding. They panic. They react, rather than controlling the ball, and controlling the field. And they lose confidence.

They are losing the mental game.

The mental game is every bit as important as the physical game. When you think about it, this is true in most areas of life. That’s why it’s so important to coach our kids through this. Not so they can win, but so they can be winners. They will overcome more in life by having a positive and tough mental attitude than they ever will just by posessing talent.

It’s early in the season, so they’ve got time. And it’s up to us, the parents, along with the coaches, to focus on developing the right things.

Several of the boys from his team last year also made it. My husband had already begun building a strong team a few seasons ago, anticipating the switch to competitive level. Because of this, they had a recreational level team that was pretty unstoppable. They hadn’t lost a game to a team from within our league in a couple years. But now, they’re playing other competitive level teams. They won their first game and were on a high, but this past week, reality came crashing down. Not only did they lose, they were shutout for the first time ever. It was pretty devastating watching it.

Thank goodness my husband, though he LOVES to win, he knows that when you’re coaching 8 & 9 year olds, the most important thing is learning good fundamental skills, playing your best and having respect for the game. In fact, his motto is “Respect, Effort, Excellence”. Notice the respect and effort come first. Anyway, I don’t know what he said to them after the game, but they walked away with their heads held high, and I know they learned something valuable through the whole experience.

The hiatus from soccer was not nearly as long as the hiatus from the blog, but…that’s summer for you. Sometimes when we have less to do, we get lazy. Have you noticed? There was also the problem of having no internet for a few days after a too-close lighting strike, being on vacation, and some other really good excuses, but enough of that whining.

The fall sports season has started, and there’s no time for whining or being lazy now. We have only two children, but somehow we have 7 practices and 3 games per week. That’s because our daughter made the school soccer team – yea!! And both she and her brother are playing on competitive club teams. Our schedule looks like a piece of cake, though, compared to some of our friends. One family we know has four kids – one is on a recreational soccer team (just one because she’s only 5), two are on competitive club soccer teams (different teams) as well as the school team (same team), and the fourth child opted out of soccer this fall, but is playing both football and is in a fall baseball league. Just thinking about how many practices and games they have in week is making my brain overheat. And yet, would we, or they, have it any other way? No! The sense of fun, hard work and community we get out of these activities makes it so worthwhile.

Speaking of community, we are so grateful to have great friends on all their teams and the parents truly do make it a team effort to get all kids to practices and games. We almost always have an extra kid or two in our cars, and we often rely on other parents to drop off, or pick up for us when we can’t be in two places at one time (one does still have to work, after all!) Thank you to our fellow parents who we could not live without — you know who you are! We can only hope we help you as much as you help us.

Let’s hear it for the upcoming season, and best wishes to all of our athletes!

Now, it’s time for tryouts for next season. I’ll be blogging about that next.

Last Saturday, my son’s team faced a team that we already had concerns about going in. We’d had issues with them before, such as failure to play by club rules and overly aggressive play for a recreational league (full-armed shoves, slide tackling, etc.) We didn’t blame the kids – it was how they were taught. But we found it shameful in the coach. The parents were very aggressive too. We had complained last season, and hoped they might not be allowed to return. We knew other teams had had similar experiences with them. But here they were again.

Although our team is actually quite good, and we do encourage the kids to do their best and go for the win, all of our parents put a premium on playing with integrity and good sportsmanship. And, we just want to enjoy our Saturday morning!

Well, last Saturday was anything but a joy. It started with the parents on the other team saying very negative things about our team (they’re only 8 years old) and our coach (my husband) from the beginning. Then, when they disagreed with a call, they yelled at and tried to intimidate the young ref, who I later found out is only 12. It went downhill from there, with arguments erupting with almost every play, as they subbed players behind the ref’s back, tripped our players, and went into the box to defend, which is not allowed as we don’t yet play with goalies. The parents screamed hateful things and cursed at my husband – with a field full of 8 year olds in front of them! Can you believe it? It got so tense that play was stopped as several people argued and one of our parents started to call law enforcement. I was in shock, I couldn’t believe these adults were acting in such a way.

They were all standing right on the sideline, some even slightly on the field, yelling and screaming and for one moment there, when my son had to go in the middle of them to get a ball that had gone out of play, I thought, “My god, we’re all going to end up on the 6 o’clock news if someone touches him or another one of our kids. This cannot be happening.” Somehow we got through the game, but the kids were devastated as the other team “won” due to illegal plays on their part that did not get called by the poor ref.

Our parents had had enough. I’m not much of an activist, but when it comes to your kids, sometimes you have to take a stand on their behalf. We contacted the Club board of directors, and I and several of the team parents provided eyewitness accounts. We were starting to consider what we would do if the board did not take appropriate action.

Fortunately, they did. The team has been removed from the Club. Strangely enough, I was sad the day we got the news. Because those kids are going to miss out on the rest of the season. And it’s not their fault. They are skilled and seem to really love the game of soccer. But, they are being pulled down by the immaturity of the adults who are supposed to be leading them. Sadly, this is what they are learning, too. But now, there has been a negative consequence, and I can only hope and pray that they will learn from it. Until now, their bad behavior had only been rewarded. Now, the “win” they achieved last weekend has cost them dearly. That, as my husband told our team this week, is poetic justice.

Yep, that’s what we found in a team from the Daytona Beach area.  One mother actually yelled, “Pathetic!” and she wasn’t talking about her team.  The level of immaturity of these so-called adults was shocking.   

And, the saddest part is, they were winning.  Their girls had good skills and good team work.  Ours were looking sluggish that morning.  You’d think the parents would be happy for their girls and at least show a modicum of graciousness.  But no, instead they showed their a**.  These adults actually sat there making hateful comments about 10 year old girls – 10 year old girls!  Now, that is what is really pathetic. 

What makes it even more unbelieveable, is that we had played them just one week before, and tied. They seemed to have forgotten that this weekend.

I haven’t used the name of the team, because I’m not sure it’s the right thing to do, but I’m considering it. In fact, I think it would be cool to start a website where parents could rate the other parents of other teams. Perhaps some parents need to be shamed into acting their age.

Their situations are not unusual either.  We all feel that way sometimes.  OK, most of the time.  But the situation to beat all is my neighbor’s.  I’ll call my neighbor “Susie”.  She has four kids.  All are in sports.  Three are on competitive soccer teams and one is playing three sports right now – soccer, baseball AND flag football.   When we saw her, she was on game six for the day, with one more to go.  Yes, seven games, two of which were different sports, and all of which were in different locations.   Yet, she really seems to take it all in stride, I think because she really wants her kids to be able to do as much as they can and want to do.  And, the whole family is involved in making it work.  And it does. 

Where do you draw the line?  How much is too much for you?  Do you like the balance you have now?